Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
