And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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