either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
