I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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