Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
