I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
