he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
