Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
