Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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