Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
