Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
