haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
someone owes me an orgasm
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
