why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
