wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize