I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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