when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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