i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
