dude i'm inner monologue high
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize