You're my little dorito
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
