I've blown a few things in my day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
