I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize