how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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