you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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