Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
