Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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