i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
