Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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