The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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