So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize