new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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