Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
