we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
