My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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