I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
