I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
