You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
