is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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