How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
