I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize