When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
