you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
