Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
