I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
