The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
