just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
