How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
