How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
