Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
