If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
