I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
