I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
