I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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