Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
