Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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