I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize