my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
