Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
