I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize