she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
