ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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