After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
