Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
