I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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