if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
