Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
