He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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