so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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