eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
