Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
