I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
