Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
my liver is dry heaving
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize