I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
