i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
